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our bodies get bigger

but our hearts get torn up

After Always [A] (AU)
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children wake up,
hold your mistake up,
before they turn the summer into dust

Series: Death Note
Canon: Volume 7
Name: After Always (A) [AU]
Age: 24
Gender: Male
After does not remember his family or early childhood. He knows intellectually that he was orphaned by a car crash when he was one year old, but beyond that he has no knowledge or memory of the event.

Therefore, all of his memories from his childhood are of British orphanages. Before the age of six he was sent to at least seven different orphanages, because each time he was sent to a new one he proved himself to be frighteningly intelligent for a boy his age. He was sent to various orphanages for children who were "gifted", but none of them could keep up with the pace at which the small boy learned.

Then, when he was six, the newly opened Wammy's House contacted him. They offered to take him in and train him as one of the potential successors to the great detective L. Even if he was not the successor, it would still be an environment in which he could learn at his own fast pace. He accepted happily, and after rigorous testing, he found himself in the role of the first in line to success L. The name After Always was stripped from him. leaving him with just the alias A.

He met and befriended the second in line, B, despite the other's rather odd appearance and generally 'creepy' traits. This was partially because he often felt that the other children were going after him on all sides, trying to take his place, and so he bonded with the person who shared many of his feelings and troubles. The two rapidly became close, and soon were willing to do anything and everything for one another.

The work got harder and harder, and the two came to rely on each other more and more. A was the first to suggest the idea that both of them had quietly considered: working together as L someday. B readily agreed, and they nicknamed each other Luxaky and Lue so that together they would be LL.

The years went by and things became harder and harder. A nearly broke under the pressure. He had long, sobbing breakdowns in front of B, in which he told the other that he wasn't going to make it. A million times he debated simply giving up and ending it all.

But he didn't.

He pushed on, kept going, kept trying, and eventually the worst was over and he found a pace that allowed him to work and stay sane. He seemed to be starting to recover. Things were looking up.

But he noticed something new and odd - Roger seemed to look at him with new distaste, and the other teachers all treated him somewhat differently. The pace at which he was assigned work seemed to fluctuate wildly, and he felt increasingly ignored and pushed aside. He even saw L once and despite all of his accomplishments and hard work the man seemed neutral at best.

Then one day, when he was talking to Mello (a member of the fourth generation), the younger boy started to happily talk about his meeting with L and how praising L had been of Mello's accomplishments and achievements, and A started to suspect the truth.

Despite being first, he was not the successor. Mello and Near were receiving different, better training. They were being noticed by L. A and B had just been the test subjects to iron out the kinks, and now the final version of the Wammy program was being used for Mello and Near and A and B were just lingering products of the experimental phase.

He wasn't certain, though, and so he kept trying, some of his old desperation starting to return as he tried to ensure that he'd be the successor. If he did well enough, maybe L would change his mind, and he'd be the successor instead of just a test case. B seemed deeply nervous about him - more than he had ever been before - but A didn't comment on it, simply grateful for the other's support. He never told B his conclusions.

Then one day Mello and Near simply vanished from the Orphanage. A contronted Roger about it, and after a lot of banter, Roger finally admitted the truth.

L was dead. Mello and Near had begun their fight to claim the role of his successor. And nobody had even seen fit to inform B and A.

A nodded politely and thanked Roger for telling him before apoligizing for wasting so much of the older man's time. He then left the office, seemingly perfectly calm.

A few hours later, After Always' lifespan came to an abrupt end.
A has been broken by the realization he made that everything he ever struggled for was just a test for L to watch. He is deeply depressed, with little or no concern for his own wellbeing, and prone to hysterical crying breakdowns. He loathes himself completely and totally, and sees himself as having no redeeming features. He also has deeply mixed feelings about L - one moment he'll hate the man for using him, and the next he'll be on his knees apologizing to the air for maligning L's name. He's prone to auditory hallucinations of L's voice taunting and mocking him.

Buried under the hysteria and depression is a deeply intelligent and logical young man with excellent deductive reasoning and wonderful people skills. At his best, he's lively and active, with a sharp wit and charming personality, and sometimes he still acts like this. However, most of the time this act is a thin veneer, to try to keep himself from breaking down. He's also not above using his charm to manipulate others into caring about him - he's desperate to be noticed and needed, so he'll do everything he can to keep friends nearby.
A is mostly the strange product of Aisu's mind, but the base idea for the character comes from Death Note, which A's player owns no rights to. A is played by madelineusher for nihil_rp. Icons are heavily modified images of Heine from DOGS, which Aisu also claims no rights to.
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